and the greatest of these is Love.

I feel at most in my element when I am loving with absolute reckless abandon.
Perhaps this is God's little Manifest in my soul. His Residence.

My soul is the most at peace when I abandon myself to an unconditional state. To see someone for who they really are and to love them anyway. At times, I have done this, only to have it thrown back in my face. Which in turn, shuts off my soul. Allows me to give in to just plain desire in order to fill the hole that unconditional love has left. but that hole can never wholly be filled. or even minutely filled. what can compare to eternity and infinity if the love you feel for someone else can be likened to such a thing?

Which makes me reflect on past friendships and relationships of course. Each of the ones that come to the forefront of my mind were ended because the other person couldn't handle the amount of love I had in my heart for them. Some might call it attachment. Others, smothering. I just did what I knew to do...love with my whole heart, all of it, not holding back. My pea-shaped heart is in no comparison to Christ's love for us...look how much He abandoned Himself to us? His life.

And how many times over the years Satan Himself has tried to absolutely smother me in thinking that I'm no good because I love too much. I care too much. It's too unconditional. Look at this world. Everything is good and whole and pure...only in certain conditions. i.e. never in a world like this.

And now, after twenty-three years of a cycle of abandon, burn, passion, extinguish, grasp, pick up the pieces, realize there's nothing left, rebuild, abandon, burn, passion.....

After twenty-three years of that cycle, my rebuttal to Satan's words that are so smothering...that I love too much that I smother others in this world into not loving me...

my rebuttal...is that I am not made for this world.
There. I said it. Now it's time to start living like it again.